I felt objectified and grossed out." Jenny, who's tried Ok Cupid in addition to Tinder, has also experienced someone immediately trying to guess her ethnicity, which seems to be a pretty common experience for some women of color online. I just went to a Korean BBQ place.' I'm not Korean, and it's offensive to try to guess my ethnicity off the bat," she explains.As you'll see, the "I'm going to assume or wonder if you're this ethnicity, then say something asinine about it" technique is clearly alive and well."Men have said dumb sh*t to me about Kama Sutra," Maya B., 25, a queer woman of desi descent who identifies as a first-generation American and second-generation Indian, tells SELF.Maya, based in New York City, works in the racial and economic justice spheres, specifically when it comes to gentrification.
Listening to her experiences makes me want to set something on fire.
Christian has seen profiles declaring that they're interested in every race except black women, and someone once told her "her kind" wasn't "good enough to date." Another guy said he'd "always wanted to try a black girl" because rumor had it we're like "sexual toys." "I cried that night [after I got that message]," says Christian.
"All I want is to date a respectable, professional man of any color who loves me with all my chocolate skin and rolls.
What bothers me the most is the fact that I'm not given a chance."Research on the subject highlights one unfortunate fact: Black women are the lowest on the online-dating totem pole.
An oft-cited Ok Cupid study from 2014 backs this up.
"Eighty-two percent of non-black men on Ok Cupid show some bias against black women," Christian Rudder, co-founder of Ok Cupid, wrote in a blog post analyzing the data.
In contrast to black women, who every racial group except black men rated as less attractive than average, all the men in the study rated Asian and Latina women as more attractive than average.
(And all groups rated white women as more attractive than average except black men.) Of course, people finding a woman more attractive than average doesn't mean they won't be racist to her, just that they might shift gears and do it in a different way."I went on a date with a guy from Tinder who had an Asian fetish, but I didn't realize until halfway through," Jenny C., 25, an Asian-American woman in Washington, D. "He started talking about how sexy these Asian dancers were, and I also found out that pretty much every other girl he'd seen on Tinder was Asian.
Swiping through friends' dating apps gives me a legal high.