One liners for a dating site online dating profile jokestan

They’ve even given up halfway through buying a bicycle” Jordan Brookes “Is it possible to mistake schizophrenia for telepathy?

For instance they both don’t eat pork, which got me thinking maybe there is something in pork that calms you down.” Matt Winning “The worst part about Brexit is that I’ve had the theme tune to Byker Grove in my head but singing the words Michael Gove.” “I find arguments are a lot like busses.

You mostly get into them at bus stops.” “My girlfriend bought me a star. I think it’s named after the person who discovered it’s Wi Fi connection.” Pete Otway “When I Facetime someone I spend 90% of the time looking at my own face and the other 10% watching someone look at theirs.” “I can’t exercise for long periods.

When I get back from a run my girlfriend usually asks if I’ve forgotten something.” John-Luke Roberts “It’s sometimes OK to use kitchen paper as a back up to loo paper.

It’s never OK to use the kitchen as a back up to the loo.” “Golf is not just a good walk ruined, it’s also the act of hitting things violently with a stick ruined.” Adam Rowe “I’m sick of seeing weight loss posters and memes saying things like ‘I don’t stop when I’m tired, I stop when I’m done!

’ The only time I feel like that is when I’m in a Chinese buffet.” “To give you an idea of the way my Dad thinks, we were watching a documentary about Arthur Shawcross, a serial killer who got sentenced to over 400 years in prison.

He turned to me and said: ‘These days, he’d only do half of that.’” Felicity Ward “I just bought underwater headphones and it’s made me loads faster.

Do you know how motivating it is swimming to the theme song from Jaws?

I mean my anxiety is through the roof but record times.” “It’s easy to give up on swimming.

Bob Monkhouse was famed for his quick-fire quips, encyclopaedic memory of jokes and effortless ability to improvise.

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