You might imagine that the writer of an etiquette book would certainly know everything in it and therefore have no need for it as reference or guide. After ten years as an etiquette adviser, four years of writing this book four years of interviewing dozens of authori- ties in their own fields for material to be incorporated here I, too, can re- member only those details that have or have had relevance to my own way of living.
The word "etiquette" for all the things I have tried to discuss is really in, adequate, yet no other will do. My friend, Virginia Fortiner, was of inestimable help in reading the manuscript and making suggestions for its improvement.
It covers much more than "manners," the way in which we do things. Special thanks go to my secretary, Miss Marie Ritti, for expert typing of more than a quarter of a million words and to Miss Helen Walsh for her help, too, especially in the handling of my considerable correspondence.
It is considerably more than a treatise on a code of social behavior, although all the traditional information still of value has, I feel, been included in a way that is simple and concise, shorn of mumbo- jumbo and clearly learnable. INTRODUCTION ACKNOWLEDGMENTS 1 THE CEREMONIES OF LIFE INTRODUCTION 26 CHAPTER ONE WEDDING INVITATIONS AND ANNOUNCEMENTS If Making Up the Invitation List When to Send Invitations and Announce- ments Choosing the Time of the Wedding Stationery and Engraving How to Address Envelopes Wording of Formal Invitations and Announce- ments Variations of the Usual Wording Invitation to the House Wedding Invitations Combining Invitation to Church Ceremony and Reception Pew Cards and Train Cards Church Cards The Reception Card The Separate Reception Invitation Wedding Announcements Variation of the Usual Wording At Home Cards Invitation to Informal Weddings Invitations to Those in Mourning Military and Naval Forms for Wedding Invitations and Announcements: Regular Officer of the U. Army, Reserve Officer on Active Duty, Retired Regular Army and Navy Officer, Retired or Inactive Reserve Officer Recalling Wedding Invitations Returning Engagement and Wedding Gifts Postponing Weddings Replying to Wedding Invitations Recalling a Formal Acceptance CHAPTER TWO ARRANGING THE WEDDING 48 The Visit to the Minister Church Decorations Wedding Music The Bride's Formal Wedding Pictures When the Bride or Groom Has Been Married Before Selection of Maid, Matron of Honor, Bridesmaids, "J umor Bridesmaid" Selection of Ushers and Best Man The Groom's Father as Best Man Duties of the Best Man Duties of Ushers Transportation to and from Church Gifts for the Bride's Attendants, Ushers, and Best Man The Couple's Gifts to Each Other The Bachelor Dinner Dress for the Wedding: The Bride's Clothes (Superstitions), The Groom's Clothes, Dress for the Ushers, Bridesmaids, Maid and Matron of Honor, Flower Girls and Page Boys, and Guests Flowers for the Wedding Party Expenses of the Bride's Parents Groom's Expenses CHAPTER THREE THE WEDDING CEREMONY 63 The Rehearsal The Processional and Recessional When There Are Two Main Aisles Procedure during the Ceremony The Double Ring Ceremony When the Bride's Mother Gives Her Away The Double Wedding Children at Second Marriages The Thirtyish Bride Differences in Religious Ceremonies: The Catholic Ceremony, Jewish Cere- monies, The Christian Science Ceremony, Eastern Orthodox Weddings, The Quaker Ceremony, The Mormon Ceremony CHAPTER FOUR THE RECEPTION 78 The Receiving Line Who Receives in Place of the Bride's Mother Con- versation and the Receiving Line Music and Dancing at the Reception The Bride's Table The Table for the Parents When There Is No Bride's Table The Wedding Breakfast The Wedding Cake Problems of the Divided House Conduct of the Wedding Guests CHAPTER FIVE THE HOME WEDDING 88 CHAPTER SIX THE RECTORY WEDDING 89 CHAPTER SEVEN THE CLERGYMAN'S WEDDING 90 CHAPTER EIGHT ELOPEMENTS CIVIL CEREMONIES Ql CHAPTER NINE THE TROUSSEAU, DRUJAL SHOWERS 93 Basic Lists of Linens, China, Glassware for the Bride Silver for the Bride Monogramming Who Gives Bridal Shower Duties of Shower Guest CHAPTER TEN WEDDING GIFTS 102 Must One Send a Gift?
For we must all learn the socially acceptable ways of living with others in no matter what society we move. Suitable Gifts Gifts to the Groom Gifts CONTENTS Sent after the Wedding Display of Wedding Gifts The Bride's Thank- You Letter CHAPTER ELEVEN THE HONEYMOON, POST-WEDDING CALLS 105 CHAPTER TWELVE WEDDING ANNTVERSARTES IO7 Gift Suggestions and Invitations to Wedding Anniversaries CHAPTER THIRTEEN CHRISTENINGS IO9 When the Baby Is Christened Invitations to the Christening Dressing the Baby for the Occasion What Others Wear Godparents and Their Responsibilities Church Christenings The Clergyman's Fee The Christening at Home Refreshments after the Ceremony CHAPTER FOURTEEN DEBUTS 113 The Kinds of Debuts The Debutante Tea: The Dress of the Debutante and Her Mother, The Receiving Line, The Guests at a Debutante Tea CHAPTER FIFTEEN COURTSHIP AND ENGAGEMENTS 115 Meeting a Man's Family and Friends Gifts before the Engagement Re- fusing a Gift The Proposal The Conference with Father How Long Should an Engagement Last? The Engagement and Wedding Rings Parties The Man's Wedding Ring Announcing the Engagement: Your Relations with the Press, How Much Information the Announcement Should Have, Release Date, Sending Pic- tures, Complicated Relat Jonsips, Calling Editors If the Engagement Is Broken Behavior during Engagements CHAPTER SIXTEEN FUNERALS \TJ Immediate Procedures when Death Occurs Arranging the Funeral Clothing for Burial Hanging the Bell Where the Funeral Takes Place Death Notices Attending a Funeral Sending Flowers Mass Cards Funeral Calls The Funeral Service Pallbearers Ushers Seating Arrangements Interment and Grave Marking Fees to the Clergyman, Sexton, and Organist, Acknowledgments of Flowers, Mass Cards, and Charity Contributions Letters of Condolence and Replies Mourning Dress during Mourning The Traditional Idea of Mourning Restriction of Activities Resumption of Dating 2 DRESS AND MANNERS INTRODUCTION 140 CHAPTER SEVENTEEN MEN'S CLOTHES 140 The Business Suit The Morning Coat and Accessories The Dinner Jacket and Accessories The Tail Coat and Accessories The Frock Coat The House Suit Overcoats Formal and Informal Riding Clothes Ties, Handkerchiefs, and Jewelry Monogramming Clothes Bad Weather Wear What Every Man Should Know about Vests, Socks, and Shoes The Hatless and Gloveless Man When Not to Wear Evening Clothes Wearing Decorations CHAPTER EIGHTEEN WHATS WHAT IN VARIOUS SPORTS l6l Dress and Rules of Behavior for: Golf, Tennis, Badminton, Yachting, Swimming, Hunting, Shooting, Fishing, Skiing, and Skating CHAPTER NINETEEN THE WELL-GROOMED MAN 171 Hints and Forthright Information for the Man Who Wants to Look His Best at All Times The Bachelor's Social Problems CHAPTER TWENTY MAN'S MANNERS IN RUSINESS WORLD 176 When Does a Man Rise? Smoking in the Office Lunching and Dining with One's Secretary Traveling toith a Secretary: Making Reservations, How Should They Reg- ister? The Executive on the Telephone When Relatives Visit the Office Is It Necessary to Meet Socially with One's Employees?
Even in primitive societies there are such rules, some of them as complex and inex- plicable as many of our own. Basil Lermont, and Helen Pemberton Jones of New York; Miss Dorothy Garrard of Los Angeles; Morgan Adams of Pasadena for information on skiing; Mr. Letters of Resignation CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE THE MASCULINE GRACES 183 Sending Flowers Lateness Lighting Women's Cigarettes Shaking Hands Hand Kissing Conduct in Public Conveyances Summon- ing and Sharing Taxis A Man's Bow Manners on the Street Kissing in Public Making Apologies Opening Conversations A Few Brief Reminders CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO THE WELL-DRESSED WOMAN 19O Planning the Basic Wardrobe: Colors, Coats, Hats, Suits, Underthings, Dresses, Evening Clothes CONTENTS Clothes for Active Sports: Tennis, Skiing, Golfing, Skating, Swimming, Yachting, Riding, Shooting CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE FASTIDIOUS, WELL-MANNERED WOMAN 200 The Art of Being Well Groomed: A Practical Beauty Routine Changing for Dinner, Make-Up Cosmetic Defects and Plastic Surgery How to Sit Comfortably and Gracefully When a Woman May Remove Her Hat A Woman's Manners in the Business World: Her Attitude toward Her Job, Her Appearance, The Importance of Promptness, Taking Orders, Smoking and Eating in the Office, Telephone Calls, Personal Letter Writing and Callers The Woman Executive: Her Attitude toward Other Women, When the Woman Pays the Bill, The Single Woman CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR THE SOCIAL PLEASANTRTES 212 A Guide to Tactful Conversation: Replies to Greetings, When to Use a First Name, If You Cannot Remember Names, What Are Personal Questions?
Their original raison &&tre or purpose is lost, but their acceptance is still unquestioned. Dangerous Topics of Conversation, How to Parry Direct Questions, That Word "Lady," How about "Miss"?Change in etiquette usually conies slowly, just as changes come slowly in the dictionary. Robert Taylor of the Pittsburgh Press, Miss Peter Carter of the Washington Times-Herald, Mr. Introductions, Duty Dances CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE THE SMOKING PROBLEM 2ig CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX CLUBS 222 Mens Clubs: Joining a Club, Tipping in Clubs, Proposing and Seconding Suggestions for New Members, Letters of Proposal and Seconding, The Letter of Objection, Putting up a Guest, Resigning from a Club, The Guest of a Private Club Women's Clubs: How to Obtain Membership, The Elective Clubs, Club Teas Country Clubs, Yacht Clubs, and Beach Clubs: Club Guests CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN MANNERS AT TABLE 228 Who Is Served First?The analogy applies, too, in that it is not necessarily social leaders who bring about such changes, but rather the people themselves who, through slighting certain forms for a long enough period, finally bring about their abolishment or at least their modification. When to Begin Eating Use of the Knife and Fork Drinking Beverages at the Table The Napkin Tipping of Dishes The Handled Bouillon Cup Testing Liquids "Stirring" Food Conserves and Jellies When Food Is Too Hot "Spoiled" Food Coughing at the Table "Foreign Matter" in Food When You Need Silverware Tasting Another's Food Using Bread as a "Pusher" Reaching at the Table Conversation Posture Taking Portions from a Serving Dish Additional Butter How to Hold Glasses Saying Grace How to Eat Various Foods: Artichokes, Asparagus, Bacon, Cake, Celery and Olives, Chicken, Corn on the Cob, Fish, Fruit Apples, Pears, Apricots, Cherries, Kumquats, Plums, Halved Avocados, Bananas, Berries, Grapes, Oranges, Mangoes, Peaches, Persimmons, Pineapple, Stewed or Preserved Fruit, Tangerines, Watermelon, Pickles, Potatoes, Salad, Salt, Sandwiches, Seafood, Spaghetti, Tortillas CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT OUR COMMUNITY RELATIONS 243 Interfaith Courtesy and Understanding: Learning about and Bespecting Other Beligions, Should a Christian Send a Christmas Card to a Jewish Friend?[Download message RAW] --==============(77462805484968871=Content-Type: text/plain; charset=UTF-8 Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable Log: dic with frequency info!AMY VANDERBILTS COMPLETE BOOK OF ETIQUETTE DRAWINGS BY FRED MCCARROLL, MARY SUZUKI AND ANDREW WARHOL DOUBLEDAY & COMPANY, INC., GARDEN CITY, N. 1957 AMY VANDERBILTS COMPLETE BOOK OF ETIQUETTE A Guide to Gracious Living To Dr.Edwin George Langrock, wise counselor and kind friend As this is an etiquette book for all Americans, I have for the sake of interest used a wide variety of names. DRAWINGS ON HOW TO MAKE A BED COURTESY AMERICAN NATIONAL RED CROSS TABLE SETTING INFORMATION FROM MEMBERS BOOK COURTESY OF ROYAL CREST STERLING DRAWINGS ON HOW TO EAT A MAINE LOBSTER COURTESY OF THE MAINE DEVELOPMENT COMMISSION LD3RARY OF CONGRESS CATALOG CARD NUMBER 56-IOO97 COPYRIGHT , 1952, 1954, 1955, 1956, BY AMY VANDERBILT ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.