If you’re like me, you might have grown up being labeled “unfuckable,” or some PG-13 variation thereof.Not only was I not in the cool kids’ crowd, but my nickname was Cousin It because I had long hair, and there were a lot of jokes slung about my gender being in question because I had no boobs.Even after I grew into my looks, this sense of less-ness stayed with me for a long time, and sex felt like something that was for other girls, girls with blonde hair and curves. ” So here’s a secret I’m going to share with you: You are an adult, and you have all the permission you need to be a ravenous sexual creature. You can be as sexy as you want to be, even if that means letting your hair down and showing cleavage, or you can be as understated as you want to be, revealing your sexuality only for those you deem worthy.
“But Arden,” you say, “I want to be sexy but I don’t know how! A lot of women I coach feel held back by their physical appearance.
They don’t love their bodies, or they look at them and see only the flaws.
The thing is, there are soooo many different ways to be sexy.
What you need to do is find your heroines, your role models — women with a similar body type to you who are portraying their sexualities in ways that you relate to.
If you’re skinny and boyish, look at women like Twiggy, Kate Moss, or post-yoga Madonna. The point is, for every possible body type that’s out there, there is a woman who is rocking it out in her own way, so there’s no excuse for you not to do the same.
If you’re curvy, look at Russ Meyer heroines, Christina Hendricks, or Rebel Wilson (seriously, try telling that girl she’s not hot! One of the keys to feeling great about your body is to develop amazing body language.
This can be achieved with a little attention and practice. (Mine is Tricia Helfer as Number Six on Battlestar Galactica, but you might also look at Michelle Pfeiffer as Catwoman or Angelina Jolie as, well, anyone.) Then, practice emulating her movements. If you walk and talk like you’re sexy, they’ll believe you’re sexy.
I love Number Six so much I did a burlesque routine as her to Chris Isaak’s “Wicked Game,” and here is evidence. Get up from your computer and walk across your room doing the things I just listed. There’s a degree of fake-it-til-you-make-it in all of this.
One of the frequent requests I get from my readers is to add a little more help specifically for the geeky women out there who have just as hard a time finding love or sex as their male counterparts do.